Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have already put on my inside pants.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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