I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
