i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize