hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
