My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize