well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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