good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
