so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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