Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
