The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
