Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize