Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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