I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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