Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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