once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
