I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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