Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
