My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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