i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
