Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize