I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
