So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
