i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
