Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
even my farts smell like vagina
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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