Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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