ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
