tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
