When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
