If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize