oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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