I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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