I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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