I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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