I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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