I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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