There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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