You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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