Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
