***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
we should paint friendship bongs
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize