He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
