Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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