My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
