forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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