I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize