I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
