So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
