nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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