What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
