Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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