So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
me + whiskey = a bad person
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
