And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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