she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize