you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
