I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
