god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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