I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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