and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
