my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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