he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
