If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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