i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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