remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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