I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i think i have herpe
just one?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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