He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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