She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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