I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
