Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
