you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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