All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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