...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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