I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
