Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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