He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Randomize
