so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
