I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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