i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
