I need to stop coming to work sober
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
