saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
