Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
