I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
