i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
