Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
