Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
