you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
