The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have fence marks all over my body
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize