If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You're a waste of cheezeits
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
