Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
