RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
