So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
