she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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