I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
