Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
