I murdered the dance floor call the cops
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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