My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Still dying that you shit outside
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize