i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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