I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
