she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
