I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
