what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
