Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
